Friday, March 19, 2010

when your heart breaks a little each day

writen november 19th @ 9:10pm

FRI morning i woke up next to someone i am so in love with

it is a new that has not yet been spoken of

i stayed in bed and skipped the gym

having laughs over breakfast there were thoughts of disbelief

could i really be this lucky to have this person in my life?

WED night, the night before he ventured back from the UK

there were words exchanged about my lack of verbal affection

as the conversation continued via skype i watched him walk away from the computer to make his late night snack

it was then that i noticed the smile on my face and the tug between my stomach and my chest

i started to make a list
thinking i would email to him to explain how many things about him a adored....something he would read before boarding him plane back to me
something to make HIM smile

FRI 1045am i recieved a call
i did not know then the severity and how i would not feel the effects until now almost 1 week later

as we settle back into my house it is Thurs @ 850pm

as the man that i love without saying lays asleep in my bed i cry

my whole body is finally allowed to release the emotion i have been withholding
the blood stained/stapled scalp, the neck brace that holds the 3 broken vertebrae, to the metal objects that have been inserted to reassemble all the bones in his right leg....i scan his body

the first thing on my list in the email i never sent
"the way you walk"

and i cry for him
for how strong he is being
and for how much i love him
i cry because before i left my house last friday for work
i had the best hug and kiss that i have ever felt
it lasted a little longer than i had time for but i did NOT let go
and once again i watched him walk
back into my house as i drove away

that embrace will happen again and it will be better than before
because i am here for every step that it takes to get back there.
i will be here to dance with him when WHEN he is back to being

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