Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Touch cookie!

Tough. Something that I am known to be,
but that it isn't always a good thing.

I want to be vulnerable, and soft
....let that authentic sideof me show,
because I actually am quite soft once I let you in.

For years I have heard that it is ok to let it out,
ok to be phased, and ok to need help.

Do you know that you can hear things 1000 times before they resonate? AH HA moment for me.

I guess I have "let it out" in my own way...
which wasn't/isn't enough.
It wasn't enough for me to move on, 
and it wasn't enough for certain people in my life to understand
how to be in my life if I was non-reactive.
To break the habit of not feeling and muscling through (pun intended) has to be a choice.  A choice you can only make once you truly understand what it means to be closed off.
A decision to constantly work to break a habitual pattern that YOU SUBCONSCIOUSLY THOUGHT was protected your heart and head for years.

Today, I know that where I need to grow.  
Let people in, let them know that I need them.
In just the way that I have been there for my friends, 
I know that they are all there for me, I just have to reach out.
It is not viewed as weak or needy but REAL & HUMAN.

I love being a tough cookie,
but now I know that the cookie can crumble
.....cause the crumbs taste just as good.


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