i'm taking a power yoga class this morning when i smell somthing that i do not want to be smelling when taking extrememly deep breaths.
is that my yoga mat?
is it the girls hammer toes in front of me
could it be the stench of a sweaty shirt to my right?
OH DAMN IS IT ME?!
i start frantically (in my head) scanning myself.....yesterday was hairwashing day, tank top is questionable, yogitoe is fresh from the dryer and yoga mat is so thin, but maybe i need a new one?
then i realized it was just my upper lip
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HERE ARE A FEW OF MY GYM ETIQUETTE RULES TO REMEMBER
PET PEEVE #1 Smell good
SIDE NOTE: THIS DOESNT MEAN TOO MUCH PERFUME/COLOGNE,
JUST SMELL NOT BAD
Return the weights
Don't hog machines
PET PEEV #2Wipe the machines
BRING A FRIGGIN TOWL TO THE GYM PEOPLE
Don't drop the weights
Don't pressure users
TO HAVE LUNCH/DINNER OR ANY OTHER KIND OF SHENANIGANS WITH YOU
((UNLES YOU ARE ATTRACTIVE)
Spot those who need it
Don't offer your advice to others
(CREEPY GUY THAT WEARS JEANS &
HOMELESS GUY WITH BOZZO THE CLOWN HAIRCUT
you MUST know what you are talking about,
how silly of me not to approach YOU for advise)
Don't hit on everyone
No cell phones
Pick up after yourself
GOLD'S GYM VENICE JUST NIPPLES MUST BE COVERED
Don't grunt loudly
Be considerate of the water fountain
IT IS NOT A SPITTOON
No foul language
GUILTY AS CHARGED
Don't walk in front of mirrors
OR JUST STAND THERE AND LOOK AT YOURSELF POSING FOR AN HOUR
ESPECIALLY WHEN I AM TRYING TO DO MY HAIR :)
PET PEEVE #3:Really LONG shoe laces on sneakers
JUST THOUGHT YOU MIGHT LIKE TO KNOW
speaking of sneakers
and how mine are incredible
i thought i woudl share another KEEP IT TO YOURSELF STORY
one day, not too long ago
i was doing walking lunges in the gym
a male about 30 years old happened to be sitting on the ab machine doing NOTHING
and says to me as i approach
"hey i like your sneakers"
"why thank you"
and i keep lunging as i pass him by
"now the polite thing for you to say would be that you like mine"
i look at him puzzled and say
"but i dont", "and i am not polite"
one would think the conversation would end here
especially since i was now far past him on my journey of pain
maybe it was the fact that i laughed at my own joke
maybe it was the fact that he has no idea who i am or what my personality is like
EVERYTHING is sarcasm with me EVERYTHING
faintly in the distance as i continue on with my perfect lunges
"well F*&%$ you then"
as i pass on my way back down the center aisle i flutter my eyelashes and say