thank you for all your SHIT

i am very thankful to be where i am at this very moment in time

when i was doing cardio on friday i was thinking about the journey that has gotten me here

i just so happened to be listening to "Coming Home" from Country Strong

it really made me think

we go through SO MUCH BULLSHIT to "find" happiness

when all we had to do was create it for ourselves

i guess that is one of the many life lessons that we will come across

it's not how your tshirt looks on your body

or if you are the smartest one in the room

maybe you thought you needed be the center of attention to feel fulfilled

NO OF THAT SHIT MATTERS

(word of the day is SHIT, and my lucky number is 7, lets go for it)

what really made you happy

when you were longing for approval from others that were doing the same?

i have spent way too much time in the mirror

i have spent years of my life trying to make other people happy,

make sure they liked me, or think i was perfect

WHAT THE SHIT(4) WAS MY PROBLEM?

being a dancer, we were judged compettivly from a young age

that I LOVED....it made me work hard

growing up competitive, without being arrogant was something i was proud of

i am thankful to my parents & teachers for that

to know your talent without judging others is something that is much easier to learn as a child

i do remember a day that changed my life's path

i was a 17 yr old dancer, at the top of my category

it was going to be my year

my heart was in it, but my head was using the brain of a teenage girl

i wanted to go hang out with my boyfriend instead of being in ballet class

i was the typical self involved little SHIT adolescent girl

because i wasnt there for ballet class,

and still had the talent and admiration from my teachers, and fellow dancers

the PARENTS of the other children decided it was up to them

to prove a point

and be.....refer to the picture above :)

thinking of this day makes me tear up

I WISH that at the age of 17 i could have understood that i am stronger than words

that i was strong enough to be my own person, love what i do and DO IT

no matter who tried to take me down

as i took the stage in at the beginning of the 2000 competition season

i could feel the people packing into the ballroom of the Sheritan Hotel in Rutherford, NJ

everyone got to size up the competitors for the that year

most of the standing room was the mothers of my fellow dancers

their eyes burning into the back of my head

i heard to room fall silent

as i performed i was aware of them watching me

i could not dissapear into my emotions where i normally let my dancing take me

i was too aware of the judgement.....for the first time in 10 years

these adult women....mothers.....judging me, and my parents we not there

i had pushed them away, by telling them i didnt NEED them there

but i needed allies

when my solo was over, out of breath and somewhat pleased with my performance

i waited for the award ceremony with my friend and now big time choreographer

BILL LARSON

at dance competitions when the awards are given out

all of the dance studios and their performers sit on the stage

so when called they dont have to run through the crowd

they can stand and be handed their trophy

my studio sat, in a circle that didnt technically include me

they girls had all made it quite clear that thier mothers opinions had soaked in

....the awards were now over for the group dances and it was on to the soloists

a lesson in team work

you support each other

each person that was awarded i clapped and whistled for, NO MATTER WHAT my personal feelings were

the studio as a whole, parents included cheered with each number called

finally it was time to hear how i did

as i was awarded a gold medal & highest score for my category

i walked in silence to receive my trophy

i felt the tears well up in my eyes

and that was the last time i ever performed as a competitive dancer

having achieved all that i have to this point forward

i KNOW, that you cannot let what others think affect you

having gone through a very rough period of my life there after

struggling with anxiety and self confidence issues i really want to express to you

how important it is to stick up for yourself, and LOVE the SHIT outta everything about YOU

embrace your choices, you personality

your body, your skin

what you believe in and what you hold dear to you

be strong in knowing that you are exactly who you are supposed to be

life will take you toward the lessons you are meant to learn

i am thankful that i developed thick skin

i wish it happened a lot quicker, and i knew sooner that i would come out the other side

but never the less

i am strong

i am confident

i am a teacher

i am a mentor

a lover

a sister

a daughter

and a friend

i approach each situation as a new

and will never let some SHIThead tell me that I CANNOT DO SOMETHING

do what you love

treat people with respect

you dont have to agree with everyone

just respect that they too, are entitled to an opinion

be a role model

lead by example

and not the F-ed up mothers

that spead rumors about a 17 year old girl that was trying to find her confidence

and create a character for herself

instead you can teach, yourself and those around you

that you need to look inside

find out why the hell you are so judgmental

and work on yourself

where you are now ladies?

where are your kids

hum? probably still talking shit about hard working passionate kids at dance competitions

HIGH FIVE

i do believe i am the one LAUGHING NOW

call me if you need a job

i might consider doing you a solid

BIG KISS

thank you for the life lesson

WHATEVER IGNITES YOUR FIRE GUYS

USE IT

GO OUT THERE AND GET IT DOOOONE!

*and yes i got all 7 in if you decided to keep up with my lil game